Love and Hope

Today has been a tough one. I don't believe in gods. It seems almost beyond reason that I should. Why would any god create something so utterly beautiful if he meant to destroy it? No, I don't believe in gods. And so I don't have the comfort of unwavering faith to still me. I have instead an easily broken heart and a lump in my throat. I have tears, some spilled, some frozen, in waiting. I skitter about in the peripheral vision of a friend, helpless and horrified. I have hoped with all my might. I have lingered over photographs and sent my invitation, and if that doesn't do it, nothing will. I have sent thoughts and love into the wild. I have chewed my restless fingers and shaken my head in anger. I've been here before.

Tonight I hope there is a god because I'll spend the night on my fucking knees praying. I will be all heart and silence. Any god who pulls off a miracle tonight, will have my conviction by morning.