Every Child Matters. That's a good thing, isn't it?

Things that could be justified if we fall for the Every Child Matters rhetoric...

The Government's aim is for every child, whatever their background or their circumstances, to have the support they need to:

* Be Healthy

- monitoring in homes to make sure parents aren't smoking around their children

- monitoring in homes to make sure parents aren't drinking around their children

- monitoring in homes to make sure parents aren't taking drugs (apart from those we give them for free in chemists) around their children

- shopping receipts to be analysed for junk foods and sweets (implementation of shopping card so random spot checks of supermarket data can be made at any time)

- junk food outlets to refuse unaccompanied children under 16 (ID required)

- junk food outlets to monitor very regular customers with children - may refuse to serve habitual "users" and demand ID in order to pass personal details onto the authorities.

- fluffy menu of sports activities made available to children (for free) usually in out of town leisure centres that require a car or a decent transport service (which we'll get around to eventually) - loyalty cards in operation to determine who is a "service refuser"/bad parent

* Stay Safe

- monitoring in homes of single parents

- monitoring in homes where single mums have boyfriends

- monitoring in homes where children are home educated

- monitoring all families during all school holidays

- "surgeries" for children who wish to speak to a "trustworthy adult" about their parents

* Enjoy and Achieve

- questionnaires to all children to ensure they are enjoying their education

- questionnaires to all children to ensure they were consulted about all decisions made concerning their education and well-being

- questionnaires to all children asking if they are happy with their parents' parenting skills (with compulsory parenting classes for those parents falling short of their child's expectations)

- meet 50% into university target by any means (devaluing the degree means very little to the parents of children who are the first in their family to achieve such a qualification so we should get away with it)

- ensure all children get at least 5 GCSEs by any means (including, as is currently the case in further education, allowing the tutor to complete the work over the phone by putting helpful words into the students' mouths because failure is not an option when budgets depend on students passing courses)

* Make a Positive Contribution

- provide jobs for the drones (improving lives for subsequent generations of children)

- allow the drones to mate (subsequent generations will be more pliable)

- ineffective citizens to be sterilised (Hitler did have some good ideas)

* Achieve Economic Well-Being

- imposing intervention and pronouncing judgement on families without jobs (for the benefit of the children)

- sending social workers into homes of poor families to make them feel bad about themselves (this will surely lead to increased self-respect at which point they will magically go out and find a job)

- this, in turn, will lead children to believe that working increases self-worth and make them more pliable as future workers, even though they'll have no evidence of this because they won't actually see their parents any more since the jobs will typically be low paid and require greater working hours to make ends meet and afford child care costs (this might need more work)

- provide more jobs for the drones (improving lives of more subsequent generations)

Every Child Matters, my arse!

And because it's worth pointing out again...

"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation." - Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf